Let's Talk About Strep Tests

before i get started, tim balow has been on my case about not blogging lately, so i'm just winging it here. i really don't have much of a point to speak. if you know tim balow, feel free to give him a dirty scowl the next time you see him. if you've only heard OF the legend of tim balow, yes the tales are true; he IS that freakishly amazing! if you don't know tim balow, don't worry about it, he's not that cool. if you ARE tim balow....what's up buddy. oh no we weren't talkin' about you! that was someone else. but hey, read on! i wrote this blog JUST FOR YOU, buddy! (whew, that was a close one)


so let's talk about strep tests. ok, that's a bit random, i realize, so i'll try to connect some dots. the past few days i've had a really sore throat. it didn't really show many of the signs of strep except for prolonged soreness. nothing else. don't worry, it's going away. i feel much better now. i mean my voice is coming and going, and my throat gets dry really quickly, but it's all good. needless to say, i don't have strep. apparently, even though that didn't need to be said, i for some reason felt the urge to state the obvious. eh, it happens. relevancy connection number two (for those of you who need numbered points to follow along): a friend of mine posted on my facebook wall asking how my week was. and since i have a thing against small talk (i'll blog about that later), i decided to give a brief synopsis of what i thought was a big portion of my week and talk about having a sore throat and it getting better. not that that is at all interesting, but hey, it was the longest lasting thing of the week, so i think it wins by default! anywho, i got sidetracked when in my reply i stated that i was glad it wasn't strep and went into a tirade. i thought it might make a nice blog, so i decided to give the unabridged, behind the brain, director's cut edition.....in high definition of course! (did you expect less from me?)

so let's talk about strep tests. i mean, strep isn't really that bad by itself, is it? sure you got a painfully sore throat, and eating pudding feels like swallowing nails. and doritos are COMPLETELY out of the question! and i suppose the raging fever doesn't feel to good either. but here's my thing with strep--STREP TESTS!!

so let's talk about strep tests. they stick a 6" glorified Q-tip down my ALREADY SORE throat and make me gag and throw up everywhere and bite the freakin' thing only to say "oh sorry, we didn't get a good culture...GOIN' BACK IN!!" and for what? just to make sure i absolutely positively have strep throat. oh so, you can give me really good drugs that make it go away in 3 hrs? NO! they prescribe antibiotics so that you lower your risk of spreading it! not to actually HEAL the infection. no no, you're body will do that anyway. and not to give you PAIN RELIEF! no, you can take over-the-counter drugs for that. so let me get this straight, you want to fight my natural reflexes that keep you from ramming a giant cotton stick down my throat just so you can say 100% that you should keep me from spreading an infection. yeah i don't think so! let's do this my way. i'll tell YOU it's strep; pay YOU the money for YOU telling ME; YOU get me the drugs; and i go home with my stomach still on the southern end of my esophagus!! how's THAT sound? one of THE most ridiculous things i've ever witnessed in the medical profession. no wait i take that back....

so let's talk about strep tests. webmd has just informed me, in my quest for figuring out more info on strep throat without actually having to pick up my phone and call a professional or leave my desk and computer or talk to any number of nursing students that happen to be AIM at the moment, that there is a remarkably useless tool called the rapid strep test! and i know you're saying to yourself, "self, that doesn't seem useless. it does have the word rapid in its title. that seems like a GOOD thing!" you could not be more misinformed. now i have no idea what the rapid strep test entails nor how much it violates the personal bubble that starts an inch behind my incisors, but here's how i know it can't be good AND that it is, in fact, a worthless tool. if the the rapid strep test shows negative, then you, for certain, do not have strep throat. thus, you have rapidly found out that YOU HAVE A DIFFERENT PROBLEM! now pay the doctor and get out. if the rapid strep test shows positive, then you MIGHT have strep throat. the rapid strep test is inconclusive on the positive side of the coin toss, so a positive result leads you to take the FREAKING THROAT CULTURE!!!! i'll save you the impending doom and destruction that would follow if i continued on this train of thought by redirecting you to paragraph four (yeah the one you just read that still fresh in your memory, so you don't REALLY have to go back, but you can if you want. just don't get caught in an infinite loop!)

so let's talk about strep tests. what have we learned? well, for you that have strep throat (and future recipients of strep throat), suck it up and tough it out. the doctor will NOT give you relief. if you are afraid of spreading the infection to either other people or other parts of your body, by all means see a doctor and get the antibiotics.....and pray that they subscribe to my blog and have read the following sentence. doctors, i implore you. stop this nonsense! you know what strep looks like, you DON'T need a throat culture, JUST GIVE US THE ANTIBIOTICS!!! and for doctors who HAVE strep throat, take forty more throat cultures JUST TO MAKE SURE!! what? they deserve it! sorry. mercy isn't in my gifting.

Grandpa Blacklock

so my grandpa has been having some health issues lately. and this really isn't too big of a surprise. i mean he's been having them for a while. doesn't everyone when they get old? but that kinda brings me to my point. here my grandpa is over 80 years old and facing cancer for not the first time. his hearing is failing. his eyesight is poor. but he is still one of the smartest, wisest, and most content people i know. even though he may not be able to hear every word you say, he listens intently and tries his best to fully understand what you're saying, because he genuinely cares about people. he may seem slow at first glance, but he's quick to tease you and make subtle jokes. he and my grandma have been married over 50 years and still love each other to pieces. they care for one another in every way they are capable. even after raising four kids, my grandpa still has enough energy to love on his grandkids and now his great-granddaughter. his kids, who are all great parents and authority figures themselves, still submit to the authority of their father, because they acknowledge his wisdom and experience and see how he continues to submit to his ultimate authority, God.

so what's the point? well i guess looking at my grandpa, i see a man at the end of his life with a legacy that can already be seen. i see a closely knit family that is tied together because of this man. i see a community that will prejudge me to have positive personality traits solely based on their experiences with my grandpa. his legacy is a one of love, honor, care, compassion, respect, and wisdom. and even in the face of cancer and heart disease, his doctors estimate another 10-15 years to continue working on that legacy!

(prayer) God i pray that my life can even come close to the amazing example given to me by my grandpa. i pray that my legacy begins today in everything i do. and ultimately, God, i pray that my legacy and every quality people see in me always point to You in an obvious way. walk with me and guide me. give me the strength and courage to live a life without regret. (amen)